


Green light on the horizon

by RavenAurelieChoiseau



Category: Suburra - La Serie | Suburra: Blood on Rome (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Murder, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Brothers, Comfort, Dorks in Love, Family Issues, Feelz, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Jealousy, Kissing, M/M, Misunderstanding, Non-Canon Relationship, Not Canon Compliant, One Shot, One True Pairing, Spadino pov, Summer, Swearing, What Was I Thinking?, daje, gestures of love, one true love, other tag I can't tag because I'll spoil it, something that looks like a suicide attempt but isn't at all, these bois will be the end of me, water phobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-10 00:13:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18648988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenAurelieChoiseau/pseuds/RavenAurelieChoiseau
Summary: "Sounds are muted underwater. It’s difficult to hear a scream from the sea bottom."Aureliano will stand by Alberto through thick and thin. This is their love and they live it so deeply not even the devil himself can stop them.





	Green light on the horizon

**Author's Note:**

> I thought of this while on the flight over to the States. Which is also why I'll be posting at weird times compared to my usual for the next couple weeks.  
> Dialogues here are in Sinti and romanesco with a translation in English, the story as per my others are of course in English.  
> I did all the Sinti myself and it took forever but you know me I'm all about dedication.  
> Trigger warning in case you have a water phobia. 
> 
> Enjoy more feelz!

_A July morning..._

Boat wakes briefly scar the surface of the water above. A pelican dives some distance away.  
This morning the sea is quite calm in Ostia.  
  
Air bubbles displace some sand beneath his haunches when Alberto moves.  
Spadino blinks into the feel of the burning salt. Everything around him has an inky hue. Like a watercolor painting dipped into the lightest of indigo.  
  
He holds his breath, a sense of solitude and void embracing him.  
_Come on. Come on. Daje._  
He focuses his perception by perking his ears. Eyes sewn shut, head cocked.    
Fuck. Nothing.  
It’s quiet. Too quiet.  
  
Sounds are muted underwater. It’s difficult to hear a scream from the sea bottom.  
  
-  
Alberto kneels, a pebble digging into his left knee. His lungs are inflated to full capacity, ribs expanded under tight skin.  
A black mohawk rises up from his scalp and softens to float above him like sea grass.  
  
Spadino blinks once. Twice.  
A ribbon of seaweed brushes against his forearm as the current pushes it to shore. It takes only a few seconds for the sensation of warmth and heaviness to swell. It’s overpowering him, just like his brother’s hands had overpowered him that time they went to the beach.  
It’s a day Alberto will never forget.  
  
-  
  
It was a hot summer. Scorching. Alberto was 9 and Manfredi was barely 21. He was already strutting like a cock, arrogant and insolent to his elders. Mixed up in Anacleti affairs too important for someone his age. But that was a gangster’s life. Edge in or be pushed out.  
  
He didn’t take kindly to having to babysit his weepy little brother that afternoon. He had plans with his friends. They were going to drink and fuck around in town.  
Instead, here he was with his puny sibling at the beach. Ostia of all places. He fucking hated coming to Ostia.  
  
As they arrived toward the spot, a thought played hide and seek with Manfredi’s conscience. Judging from the events that would transpire later... the thought won.  
Once caught, he would tell his family he was trying to help Albè get over his fear of drowning. That it was just a game.  
  
Manfredi chose his moment wisely. It happened during a distraction. His uncle Mirko was drinking beer with his cousin. Adelaide and his aunt were preparing lunch. No one was looking over at the beach. Why should have they been? Manfredi was supposed to be taking care of his brother.  
The last thing Alberto remembered was sitting with his feet in the water.  
  
-  
  
There was air, and then there wasn’t. There was the scent of melanin and the sun’s rays kissing his sizzling skin. And then there wasn’t.  
  
Hands the size of catcher’s mitts held down Alberto’s rag doll frame in the frothing tide until he paled to the color of the clouds above him.  
Until his lashes stopped fluttering.  
Until tiny frail limbs had given up the struggle.  
  
Air became water. Coconut-cream skin pickled.  
  
Alberto didn’t hear his uncle scream. Didn’t see Adelaide drop the jug of wine she was carrying and run to shore, her skirt billowing in the wind just like her long, golden hair trailing behind her.  
Her breath stopped short when her feet sank into the sand. Like a nightmare where you’re running and struggle in place.  
Every meter counted double. The world spun.  
The moment seemed interminable.  
  
When they reached Alberto, he looked dead.  
“Develésko mush! SO KERES?!” _Jesus Christ WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!_   Uncle Mirko had yelled in Sinti, pulling Manfredi off his nephew with a fistful of hair.  
Manfredi, shoulders hunched and torso rigid… stared down at his reddened, empty palms.  
  
“Soske?!” _Why_?   Adelaide had panted, grief breaking her voice. Like any good mother she threw herself over her son’s body.  
“I was only playing,” Manfredi whined.  
Except he wasn’t.  Adelaide had understood that much. Manfredi stood trembling with adrenaline coursing through his veins and his giant hands shaking in annoyance. He hadn’t finished the job.  
  
“Cecker Manfredi!” _Go away Manfredi!_  
Adelaide begged God under her breath as she cupped Alberto’s tiny wet head. _“Devlesa…Devlesa... Alberto…”_  
Her oldest son watched the scene play out with a steady pulse. There wasn’t an ounce of remorse in him.  
  
“Chapite!” _It’s the truth!_ he murmured, but no one was listening.  
He spat the words out through gritted teeth, frustration and disdain clenching his jaw.  
  
After a minute, Alberto’s belly gave up bile and his lungs sprayed brine until he finally breathed. Cornflower lips slowly blushed back to their dusky rose.  
The dead wood emptiness in his brother’s mahogany eyes… the small smirk he unsuccessfully tried to hide in the camper on the way back to the villa… they spoke a thousand words.  
  
The children were never taken to the beach again. Adelaide was overheard saying “Si khohaimo may pachivalo sar o chachimo.” _There are lies more believable than truth._  
She loved both her sons, but what her brother Mirko replied to that, well it stuck with her like a bad omen.  
“Sako peskero charo dikhel, Adelaide.” _Every dog sees only his own dish, Adelaide._  
Manfredi would stop at nothing to become king of the family business. Even at the price of taking out his own blood.  
  
Alberto sat in his room that evening, eyes swollen and chest tired, the cracks in his gilded ceiling resembling vines that were going to slither down like snakes and smother him.  
Musing on two things, he shivered under the covers.  
1) His brother wanted him dead.  
2) He was now terrified of water.

-  
This memory inebriates his fizzling mind. Fingers curled into claws grip into the gritty sand.  
Poor substitute for an anchor.  
A heartbeat pulses faint until the tightness starts in his chest and then the panic hits. Alberto begs himself to listen. Focuses on the low vibrations around him.  
All there is is ringing and an intense fullness to his ears.  
  
Sounds are muted underwater. It’s difficult to hear a scream from the sea bottom.  
  
Alberto opens his mouth as the saline marinade clogs his throat.  
He doesn’t scream. With what’s left of his breath he roars.  
  
Another thing about being under water. No one can see you cry.  
  
-

A glassy, red-rimmed gaze is the first thing he sees when he opens his eyes. Aureliano’s blue flames are spent from tears.  
The urge to cough is immediate, Alberto’s bronchi strained.    
Nothing comes out but a wheeze. He threw everything up on the beach.  
  
Aureliano smooths his damp hair over. He’s laying beside him, cradling his slight frame in his strong arms. Aureliano’s so used to his love with a mohawk, seeing him like this, like a wet puppy, it makes him look like a child. A child who fell into the pool with his clothes on and caught a terrible fright. But the greater horror fell on Aureliano.  
  
“Che cazzo facevi Albè? Che volevi fà?” _What the fuck were you doing Albè? What did you want to do?_  
Aureliano whispers his questions. He thinks he knows the answers but...   
There’s no need to reprimand. After what Alberto’s been through this past month… but still. Fuck. Aureliano blames himself. Thinks he should have been less preoccupied with the _why_ of it, the running around hospitals and trying to get the medicines right... no he should have focused more on what it meant for Spadino.  
  
Alberto studies Aureliano’s mouth. The humming in his ears is so strong… so strong…  
“Niente. Niente,” he murmurs. "Nun me volevo ammazzà. So' svenuto."   _Nothing. Nothing. I didn't want to kill myself. I fainted._  
  
“Nun te volevi ammazzà? Sai che spavento Albè …che cazzo… “ _So you didn't_ _want to kill yourself? You know what a scare that was… fuck!?_  
He turns his head. A tear forms in the corner of Alberto’s lid. He doesn’t want to be the cause of Aureliano’s worry.  
“Albè guardame…” Aureliano takes his chin in his hand.   _Albè look at me._  
Alberto lets himself be lead back. Aureliano repeats himself.  
  
A scare? More like a heart attack. Aureliano happened to be exiting the door. Needed something from the jeep. He saw Alberto getting into the water. Thought it was odd but…  
By the time he was done… by the time he turned around to look… Spadino was floating, dark head face down in the rippling sea.  
“ALBE’!!!” he screamed even though he knew better. Aureliano’s words grew legs, drove all the breathable air from his body as he ran as fast as he could to shore…  
Panic swelled inside him, nearly blinding him… threatening to swallow him belly-first.  
He pulled Alberto from the water and dragged him to the hard sand.  
  
Now he’s safe. Aureliano allows a faint smile to lift the corners of his mouth.  
“Albè… me parli o no?”  
Alberto’s brow furrows. Conscious suddenly of what intensely blue eyes Aureliano has and how pained they are.  
His face twists in anguish. “Eh che… Pe’ piagne bisogna sta’ da soli. Io nun so più chi sò io. Sò un peso. ‘Na merda. Te meriti de mejo. Ma te giuro nun me volevo ammazzà.” _It's just... to cry you need to be alone. I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m a burden. A piece of shit. You deserve better. But I swear I wasn't going to kill myself._  
  
A soft cry escapes him and Aureliano leans down to kiss the tears from his lids, softly, with tender lips. A grimace hiding the emotions that are strangling him inside only crinkles his eyes. Why didn’t he handle this better?  
Alberto’s tears taste like the ocean.  
Aureliano thinks there’s just been too much fucking salt in their lives already.  
  
He gently cups his love’s face, making sure Alberto’s focused on him.  
“Albè… te tornerà l’udito. Capito?! L’ha detto pure er medico. Te sei un guerriero. Io sto qua. Te amo. Se volemo bbene. Me e te insieme manco er diavolo ce ferma. Sta cosa qua’ …. È ‘na stronzata. E te nun sei un peso manco pe un cazzo, capito?”  
_Albè, your hearing will come back. Understand? Even the doctor said so. You’re a warrior. And I’m here. I love you. We love each other. You and me together not even the devil can stop us. This thing here, it’s bullshit. And you couldn’t be a burden if you tried.”_  
  
Spadino follows Aureliano’s plump lips with his soft gaze. He nods slowly, sniffling. Sometimes he thinks he doesn’t deserve someone so kind.  
“Nun te volevi ammazzà, vero? M’he fatto tanto preoccupà, Albè. Te sei ‘a vita mia. Nun devi capì chi sei.”  
_You didn’t really want to kill yourself? You made me insane with worry, Albè. You’re my life. You don’t need to understand who you are._  
  
Alberto’s clammy hand finds its places over Aureliano’s heart. Aurè guides it, presses it against the warm flesh.  
“Nun devi capì chi sei. Te sei sempre Albè. Sei core mio.” _You’re always the same, Albè. You’re my heart._  
His other palm slides down to Alberto’s sternum. “E io so’ core tuo. Io e te semo ‘o stesso omo.”  
_And I’m your heart. You and me, we’re the same man._  
  
Alberto’s dark-eyed plea tugs at his heart. He really couldn’t love this man more.  
“E che …è un mese. Nun sento te, voce tua. Nun sento a’ musica… “  
Aureliano underestimated how frustrating this all was. What it meant to someone like Alberto who loved to sing and dance to suddenly lose his hearing to a fucking infection.   
“ ’A sentirai. Te lo giuro.” _You will. I swear to you._  
  
He wishes he could do more. He's played more the worried father to him and what Spadino needed all along was his lover.  
Aureliano gathers Spadino tightly to his chest, arms solid around him. Alberto sighs, clinging desperately into him as if his touch were the cure to this insanity. He rests his chin on Aureliano’s breast, eyes straying sleepily over his beautiful face.  
Aureliano grins down at him, ruffling his damp hair.  
“Vòi che te canto ‘na canzone? Te pòi sentì le vibrazioni.” _Would you like me to sing you a song? You can feel the vibrations._  
  
Alberto chokes up. Of course. This is something Aureliano would do for him. This is how much he loves him. Jesus fucking Christ.  
“Grazie Aurelià. Mi piacerebbe sì.” _Thank you, Aurelià. I sure would._  
“Tutto per te, amò.” _Everything for you, my love._  
  
Ear to chest, Spadino’s breath regular now and moist against Aureliano’s pec… his fingers dig into the heat of Aureliano’s body. He closes his eyes, tiny webs of dark lashes lying peacefully on his pink cheeks. A slow, secret smile takes over as the reverberations in Aureliano’s ribcage reach his brain.  
Aureliano sings to him softly from between a glazed smile. A pop song, one he always heard Spadino belting out in the shower.  
  
“Te amo Aurè,” he sighs when its done. "Me ne canti 'na altra?"  _I love you, Aurè. Would you sing me another?_    
"Certo," he replies.  _Of course._  
Before he starts, Spadino inches up to his mouth, and kisses him with complete abandon. When they break, Aureliano is beaming.  
I know, Albè, he thinks. I know. You’re my life, too.   
  
-  
  
A week later, Aureliano returns one day for lunch. As usual. He flicks the light switch on and off to let Alberto know he’s entered the room.  
“So’ a casa, amò,” he says out of habit. _Honey, I’m home._  
  
Alberto swivels in place, tears tracking down the sides of his nose.  
“Che è successo?!” _What happened?_ Aureliano leaps forward, bracketing Alberto by the shoulders.  
Spadino is half-laughing. Giddy.  
“T’ho sentito, Aurelià… “ he gasps. “T’ho sentito!” _I heard you! I heard you!_  
  
Aureliano holds Spadino’s face still, fingers threading into his silky hair. His lips cover Spadino’s hungrily, eyes sparkling with joyful expectation.  
“Ma… ha detto 2-3 mesi er medico. Come... ??”  
The weariness lifts from both their faces. The even whiteness of Aureliano’s smile is dazzling.  
  
“Po’ succede cosi.” _It can happen just like that._  
“Albè è fantastico… dio mio… è quo'o che volemo!"   _Albè that’s amazing, my god!  Just what we want._  
  
They just stand there like the two fools they are, in love and completely gone for one another. Holding on to happiness with white-knuckled fists.   
  
“O’ sò. Ma te sai che volevo de più de ogni cosa?” _You know what I wanted more than anything?_  
“Cosa? ‘A musica?” _What? Music?_  
“Volevo sentì a’ voce tua. Me mancava troppo Aurelià. Me manca sentirte dì nome mio.” _I wanted to hear your voice. I missed it too much, Aurelià. I missed hearing you say my name._  


**Author's Note:**

> Ugh these bois will be the end of me I swear. I SWEAR. I fall further and further into a tunnel with no exit.  
> I apologize in advance if the dialogues aren't exactly right. I'm determined to do them as much as I can on my own so I don't bug my friends and so I'm researching as much as possible. 
> 
> In this story Alberto suffers from what is called sudden sensorineural hearing loss (SSNHL), which if caught early can be cured almost 100% especially in cases of infection or bone damage being the cause. 
> 
> Thanks to the girls they know who they are by now for the incredible love and support (as always!) in this fandom.  
> Grazie bedde! Daje!!


End file.
